Day 13

June 24

Today was another rest day in hopes my tendonitis will finally heal and I'll be able to walk mostly painfree. I feel embarrassed that I keep taking the bus but I've never dealt with serious injury and so I'm very cautious to avoid any life long injuries for a walking trip. I made the mistake of googling symptoms and treatments of tendonitis and it says if not treated properly it will rupture and then I'll really be unable to walk. So I'm playing it safe for now which is frustrating but I also know it's the best option at the end of the day. I kind of miss walking. Or at least feeling included when people talk about the days hike. The pain may not be the unifying experience but rather that everyone regardless of occupation, nationality, religion, race, sexuality, etc all experiences the same hills and same scenery. I miss understanding the pain and exhaustion at the end of the day

Yesterday was a really fun day. I feel like I'm finally back to my old self. The last semester at college was really difficult and I developed pretty bad depression and anxiety which i started taking medicine and going to a therapist for since about a month ago. And im not sure if it's the medicine finally kicking in or just being with good company who I feel I can be myself around but I genuinely feel happy. I'm losing weight since I'm eating healthier and I finally feel like between marnix and emma I have real friends that I genuinely look forward to spending time with each afternoon. And I feel like they enjoy my company too which is good to not psych myself out that I annoy everyone around me.

I feel really good. I think me feeling better about myself and my life is having a good impact on nate and our relationship too. We trust each other completely like we always have but I feel like I don't need to tell him how depressed I am and instead I can focus on positives in my life and our relationship. We would be in a long distance relationship during the summer regardless if I was in Minnesota or Spain so it's not too different except for the time difference. It's only really a problem when he works all day and I'm worried next week when he starts his new class it'll be harder to keep in touch. Just because I'm happy doesn't mean I don't want him in my life. 

The town were at today is very very small. It is a monestary with the albergue attached to it and a small cafe and about 5 houses and that's it. So it's been pretty boring and relaxed around here. The only place for dinner was the albergue which charged 9 euros for a pretty crappy meal. The meat was dry and the pasta tastes like spaghetti-o's. But like I said, there were no other options and I was hungry enough I ate most of it. 

This morning wasn't a great one. I knew I would be taking the bus since there was a very large uphill and I'm determined to fix my Achilles so I can continually walk without pain. So I woke up around 630 and began packing and Sibel was just getting up soon after me. So I left around 7 to go sit at the bus station since I didn't know where my bus is and asked Sibel if she was bussing or walking and she said walking since her foot didn't hurt anymore. So as I'm walking out she calls out and asks me to wait so we can walk out together and then walks with me to the bus station and I'm like "wtf" because she told me she was walking and then decides she's gonna bus too because she didn't want to start walking at 7am which doesn't make sense bc then maybe you should've set an alarm for earlier and this wouldn't be a problem.

But whatever. I'm bussing so im not one to judge although she just keeps talking about how much better her foot is and how its not swollen and doesn't hurt to walk and then says she's not going to tell people she's taking the bus as if people wouldn't know when she arrived before everyone else without starting walking until 7am. So we took a taxi here since it would be faster and the bus doesn't come to San Juan de Ortega since it's really small and I paid and then i was exhausted and just laid on the ground with my feet elevated resting on my pack to help reduce swelling. 

And the whole morning Sibel has been complaining. First it was because she didn't want to leave at 7am, and then she was cold, and then the bus was taking too long, and then the taxi was taking too long, and then she was still cold, and tired, and just found a way to complain about everything so I was in a really sour mood listening to her by the time we got to town so I just fake slept on the ground so I wouldn't have to respond to her complaining anymore and soon enough I fell asleep. It was cloudy and windy and pretty cold but I was tired for some reason and woke up when Sibel said emma and marnix were here. So then we hung out for about 3 hours until the albergue opened and then I took a nap. At around 430 I met emma and marnix at the bar and when Lucas and will showed up we talked about conspiracy theories.

And I'm not a huge conspiracy person but I definitely find them interesting and I definitely don't completely trust the American government is honest about everything and so we're sitting around just having a discussion about our beliefs and all the sudden a Cuban at the table next to us started screaming at us about how stupid we are to believe the American government would kill it's own people and how he grew up in Cuba so America is the greatest and we have no idea what we're talking about. And given America is better than Cuba in the way of freedoms and civil rights and the fact that people aren't being murdered constantly but it was just an innocent conversation among friends and honestly the beauty of America is that we have the right to express our anger at certain aspects of government. After all, that's the basis of America who separated from Britain after we didn't agree with the government ruling. 

Emma got really really upset since she's very anti establishment and huge into free speech and freedoms and so the two of us got up and walked away from the man yelling that we should leave America if we feel this way. Class was pretty short and Kip just read us some poetry and then most of us went to pilgrim mass which was in Spanish and reminded me why I didn't like going to church. It just was very serious and very religious so I don't plan on going to another mass anytime soon but I figured going was part of the experience. 

So tomorrow I will walk the 26 km to Burgos and hope my feet make it just fine. It's also urban so there will be buses to catch along the way if need be. I am tired of being injured though and now emma is completely better so I have no walking partner or sympathizer. 

Honestly this trip has not shaped me in the ways I expected.  I think I expected to learn myself and grow and accept my strengths and failures and become much more spiritual and wise. But I think my greatest growth is simply being happy and content in all I do. I'm learning to not be embarrassed about taking the bus since only I know what my body is capable of. I'm learning to be thankful for the simple things like communication and speaking the primary language in my country and warm showers and my own bed and having a permanent home so that I don't have to travel each day to a new town where I have to find the pharmacy and supermarket each day. I am content. And each evening when I hang out with emma and marnix I am really happy to just be accepted and have good company to drink good sangria with.