Day 26
July 7
Today has been much better than the past 2 days but I can tell I am still struggling. Emma and I took a taxi to foncebadon and marnix hiked the 30km by himself. Most of today was spent just laying around with emma talking about her relationship with nico and marnix and the inevitable decision she has to make between the two of them. So we got lemon beer and sat behind a bar at a table overlooking the mountains and talked about pros and cons of the both of them so she could talk it through. I can tell by the way she talks about marnix he is who she wants. She smiles when she says his name and she can name more things she likes about him.
Her reasoning for having problems with nico is understandable. She wants someone spontaneous and she asked nico what he wanted to do after college and he said get his masters and then get a job and when she asked marnix what he wanted to do in 2 years after his contract ended he said he wanted to travel the world with her. And I think that helped her decide that marnixs lifestyle is more attractive to her as a free spirit.
Shes really struggling with letting nico go since he's a really nice guy so she told him she had feelings for marnix and then asked him for a break until they get back to school so she has time to figure out what she wants and kind of discovers herself. I know she still wants him in her life as a friend which will be difficult and awkward at first but possible. Only problem is she is basically breaking up with nico for marnix. And I found out today they hooked up in the hotel last week in Leon. So she cheated on nico which I really don't appreciate.
Her and marnix seem much happier together though. Only problem is now I'm really going to be third wheeling them. So I told them im very insecure of losing best friends to boys and I really didn't want to feel like a useless third wheel and emma tried to reassure me she wanted me in her life and I would still be a priority which was nice. I can feel myself pulling away from them. I don't like to impose so now that they are much closer I have started laying in bed alone listening to music and playing games just to give them alone time. So im worried all this time alone will bring up my depression again.
My foot is getting better. Still sore but not shooting pains with every step. I could start walking tomorrow but the trail is very very steep downhill and I'm worried it'll be too hard for a first day. Everyone else keeps telling me to take 1 more day off so I don't stress my feet out the first day I feel better. And emma is taking a taxi tomorrow since she has to rest for 3 days and is now motivated to heal because she is traveling the world with marnix after this. So i could just keep her company and finalize my foots health.
I think I am just feeling very nostalgic of old friendships. Nate's been really busy lately with school and work which means I spend a majority of my time alone with my thoughts which is difficult. And I really struggle with my inability to keep close friends for long periods of time for some reason and I think emma getting together with marnix is just bringing up that weakness in me that I am feeling vulnerable that I found another best friend who is now choosing a boy after me again. I'm hoping I get out of this funk soon and emma and marnix get better about making me feel included and wanted.
Today has been much better than the past 2 days but I can tell I am still struggling. Emma and I took a taxi to foncebadon and marnix hiked the 30km by himself. Most of today was spent just laying around with emma talking about her relationship with nico and marnix and the inevitable decision she has to make between the two of them. So we got lemon beer and sat behind a bar at a table overlooking the mountains and talked about pros and cons of the both of them so she could talk it through. I can tell by the way she talks about marnix he is who she wants. She smiles when she says his name and she can name more things she likes about him.
Her reasoning for having problems with nico is understandable. She wants someone spontaneous and she asked nico what he wanted to do after college and he said get his masters and then get a job and when she asked marnix what he wanted to do in 2 years after his contract ended he said he wanted to travel the world with her. And I think that helped her decide that marnixs lifestyle is more attractive to her as a free spirit.
Shes really struggling with letting nico go since he's a really nice guy so she told him she had feelings for marnix and then asked him for a break until they get back to school so she has time to figure out what she wants and kind of discovers herself. I know she still wants him in her life as a friend which will be difficult and awkward at first but possible. Only problem is she is basically breaking up with nico for marnix. And I found out today they hooked up in the hotel last week in Leon. So she cheated on nico which I really don't appreciate.
Her and marnix seem much happier together though. Only problem is now I'm really going to be third wheeling them. So I told them im very insecure of losing best friends to boys and I really didn't want to feel like a useless third wheel and emma tried to reassure me she wanted me in her life and I would still be a priority which was nice. I can feel myself pulling away from them. I don't like to impose so now that they are much closer I have started laying in bed alone listening to music and playing games just to give them alone time. So im worried all this time alone will bring up my depression again.
My foot is getting better. Still sore but not shooting pains with every step. I could start walking tomorrow but the trail is very very steep downhill and I'm worried it'll be too hard for a first day. Everyone else keeps telling me to take 1 more day off so I don't stress my feet out the first day I feel better. And emma is taking a taxi tomorrow since she has to rest for 3 days and is now motivated to heal because she is traveling the world with marnix after this. So i could just keep her company and finalize my foots health.
I think I am just feeling very nostalgic of old friendships. Nate's been really busy lately with school and work which means I spend a majority of my time alone with my thoughts which is difficult. And I really struggle with my inability to keep close friends for long periods of time for some reason and I think emma getting together with marnix is just bringing up that weakness in me that I am feeling vulnerable that I found another best friend who is now choosing a boy after me again. I'm hoping I get out of this funk soon and emma and marnix get better about making me feel included and wanted.
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