Day 45

Yesterday afternoon hit me pretty tough. I've been asking marnix for pictures he took of Spain for the past month and he keeps blowing me off and then sending them to emma and I've complained about it to emma and she said she would ask him because hell do anything for her. So he texted me about 10 pictures today but I already had them so I told him I appreciated it but i already had those and then he came back with a super aggressive text saying that I should ask him for the pictures not emma and he knows I don't like him but to not try to make him upset. So I told him to take joke and then he texted emma saying how mad he was at me. And emma is on my side because he blew up for no reason but I hate having people not like me or be mad at me so my chest tightened up and I got nervous it would affect my relationship with emma since I know me and marnix are both close with her. But I still don't think he's a good person in my life and I know I'll never see him again so I refused to give in. And after a couple hours he sent me more pictures and apologized and explained his grandma was dying and he was really moody and got really sensitive about his photos. So technically we're fine but him getting mad at me after not talking for 2 weeks just put me into a bad place especially because of the way we left it when he left from lugo.

That night I went into a really bad depression and had a panic attack because he just gets to me in a way I can't explain. I think it's because he knows my weaknesses and my insecurities and he always plays into them. So I told him and emma when they first got together that I was really nervous I would feel like a 3rd wheel and that was how he treated me. Like he was in love with emma and would do anything for her and I just was tagging along because emma liked me. I told him about my insecurities about my weight and my moms emotional abuse and both times he found ways to mock me and make it into a joke.

So I blocked him on what's app and unfollowed him on Instagram and Facebook so I don't see him in my life. I spent hours crying quietly so I wouldn't wake up my roommates. I don't think I'm going to tell emma. I know he's a part of her life and seems to make her happy. It doesn't seem like he'll be in her life for a long period of time so I'm just keeping my mouth shut and hoping I don't hear too much about him. 

July 26

Today was surprisingly a pretty busy day. I woke up early to eat breakfast at 8 with the rest of the class and then we toured the cathedral which was interesting but only because of our tour guide. Surprisingly I didn't think the cathedral was the most beautiful of all the churches we've seen on this trip. My feet were killing me too from standing on them all day and walking around so emma and I went and got lunch and then went tourist shopping for her family. I bought a small brown leather bracelet for myself and that was all. My family doesn't love touristy things and neither do I so I didn't want to waste my money. 

Our tattoo and piercing appointment wasn't until 6 so we went back to the hostel and took a nap and then we woke up and I showered so my skin would be clean and then we walked over with Lucas will and Steven. Lucas was also getting a tattoo and will and steven just wanted to come to watch all of us. So we sat in the waiting room looking at pictures of tattoos, most of them horrifying. And then emma got her eye brow piercing which looks so good and then it was my turn. The guy at the front counter made a design on the computer of what I wanted and I told him how I wanted the stars spaced out to look like Orion's Belt and then this large man with long hard covered in tattoos and piercings met me in the back room. He was super nice but since I wanted my tattoo on the front of my hip I had to pull down my shorts on the side so he could see what he was doing so it was a little uncomfortable.

Then he sanitized and marked my skin using a printed out copy of the design and started. I avoided my hip bone since I was scared of the pain but the needle was more burning than painful. I was texting nate the whole time to distract myself from the pain and my whole body was tensed up to keep from moving around too much or whimpering. It only took about 5 minutes which was much quicker than expected and then he put a clear piece of tape over it to keep it clean for a couple hours and it was over. It bled a little afterwards but it wasn't sore at all. After that me and emma went to the post office to ship her presents to her family while Lucas got his tattoo done and then we all met back at a kabob place next to the tattoo parlor for dinner. 

Will and Lucas had heard there was a blues concert at 8pm so we walked over to that which was a major dud but it was a lot of fun hanging out with them. The band played the same song about 3 times in a row and seemed to just be doing a sound check. Then it was around 1030 and we decided to just go back and go to bed since emma and Lucas both had an early taxi to the Santiago airport. My feet are killing me but it was fun to hang out with all of them and finally get the tattoo I've been wanting since I was 12.